The Off Register — Issue #1: Who We Are, What We're Not

EXPOSED! The SECRET of FRENCH HOME COOKS

The Le Creuset Dutch Oven holds heat like nothing you've ever owned. Braised short ribs that fall apart. Sourdough with a crust that CRACKS when you tap it. Yes, it costs more than your first car. Yes, it's worth it. Your grandchildren will fight over this pot.

Visit TheOffRegister.com/kitchen for our full review.

MEL BROOKS IS 100 YEARS OLD TODAY.

The Off Register launched on this date on purpose. Happy birthday, Mel. You showed us that comedy lives in the dignity of the person who refuses to be crushed. I've been taking notes my entire life.

THE FARMER: DISPATCH FROM THE CONTAINER GARDEN

Container garden, Mid-Atlantic, United States, June 2026

The garden doesn't care about square footage. It cares about attention. You can fail spectacularly in an acre and succeed beyond your wildest dreams on a fire escape. The work is the same. Show up. Pay attention. Don't let the aphids win. - The Farmer

Vintage comic book advertisement parody featuring Agamemnon of Mycenae, drawn in the style of a 1950s Charles Atlas bodybuilding mail-order ad. Orange header bar reads: LET ME PROVE I CAN MAKE YOU A NEW KING! Main headline: THE INSULT THAT LAUNCHED A THOUSAND SHIPS. A full-figure illustration of Agamemnon stands at left in Bronze Age armor, holding a spear. Alongside him runs a four-panel comic strip showing Menelaus being mocked on a beach, confronting the bully, brooding alone, and finally returning in full armor aboard a warship. Body copy reads: When Menelaus came to me...humiliated, furious and a little-bit tearful... I didn't offer sympathy. Sympathy doesn't get your wife back. I offered ONE THOUSAND SHIPS! In large orange display type: YOU'RE WELCOME, MENELAUS! Art by John Dallaire, based on characters designed by Eric Shanower.

✂ ——————————————————————————————————————————————————

AUTOGRAPHED, you say? I want to own all three AUTOGRAPHED, FULL-COLOR copies of the first volumes of Eric Shanower's EISNER AWARD-WINNING retelling of the Trojan War

A THOUSAND SHIPS • SACRIFICE • BETRAYAL PART ONE

$45.00 reg. $59.97

Copies AUTOGRAPHED BY ERIC SHANOWER. Personalized inscription available at checkout.

THIS OFFER EXISTS IN EXACTLY ONE PLACE ON THE INTERNET.

HUNGRYTIGERPRESS.STORE — ORDER DIRECT FROM THE ARTIST.

Not Amazon. Not a distributor. The man himself.

OWN THE TROJAN WAR

Eric Shanower's EISNER AWARD-WINNING masterpiece Age of Bronze — now in vibrant color by Off Register colorist John Dallaire. 3,000 years of myth. Hundreds of pages of meticulous historical detail. Colors so rich you can smell the Aegean.

THREE VOLUMES: A THOUSAND SHIPS • SACRIFICE • BETRAYAL PART ONE.

Order from your local comic shop.

MEL BROOKS IS 100 YEARS OLD TODAY.

THE FARMER: DISPATCH FROM THE CONTAINER GARDEN

OWN THE TROJAN WAR

USE IT UP • WEAR IT OUT • MAKE IT DO • OR DO WITHOUT

MAXIMUM UTILITY FROM WHAT YOU ALREADY OWN